What Depression Feels Like

Too many people think that depression means you can’t get out of bed and all you do is sleep. This is true for some people, but not all of us. Personally, I spend too much time feeling emotions I don’t want to feel.

This morning I woke up crying. I was sad simply because I woke up, because it took me hours to fall asleep last night and I was exhausted. Then I was sad because I had to go to work and I hate my job. Then I was sad because 2 days ago I decided to move back in with my parents in a month, and as a college graduate that makes me feel like a complete failure. I recently fell in love with this amazing guy, but moving halfway across the country from him isn’t exactly how to begin a relationship, and I was extremely sad about that.

On the way to work I got angry. I’m a college graduate, why can’t I get a job I like, or at least one that pays well that I can deal with and get my own place?

Just as soon as the sadness and anger came, though, they went away. I went to work, I talked to my co-workers, I did my job, I laughed a little. I cried a couple more times throughout the day, but overall my day was okay. It ended on a good note.

And this is how most of my days go… it’s a constant fight between knowing it’s okay to feel sad, and desperately not wanting to feel sad anymore… but they’re actually okay. At this moment I can sit here with full confidence and say that I did not have a bad day. I don’t look at today and regret my actions. Today was hard. I got through it. You will too 🙂

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