Take-Aways

People have been talking to me a lot about take-aways recently, because I am of the opinion that things like going to college, or what I’m currently doing, participating in the Disney College Program at Disneyland, have been a colossal waste of time and money.

When I say this to people, first they’re like, “wow you have a bleak outlook on life” or “what a sad way to view things.” TIP: If you’re not depressed, do not tell a depressed person that they have a bleak outlook on life or a sad way of viewing things. They’re depressed, for crying out loud! Chances are, they are extremely aware how you view their outlook on life, and you telling them that you think it’s awful is not going to magically make them look at life like you do.

Then they start to talk about the take-aways. “Every experience has take-aways,” they say. “Surely, there is SOMETHING from that experience that you can take away, something you learned…”

Now, I also get told a lot that things have to be my way or the highway, so I did actually listen to these people, if only to prove that I can actually listen to someone. I sat down and thought about my life experiences and what I learned and what I gained.

In college, I learned that friendship is very important to me. I fell out of touch with my 3 best friends from high school who meant the absolute world to me, and that crushed my soul in the worst way, it was worse than a break up, it felt like someone had died. I still haven’t made friends that are anywhere near as close as those girls and I were, but hey, now I know how important friendship is, right?

The Disney College Program has been one of the worst experiences of my life, it is truly one of my greatest regrets, but in the midst of how much I’ve hated this program, I can say that I met a pretty great guy and we fell in love (no he isn’t in the program, thankfully).

But we can’t be together, for millions of reasons, but the greatest of those being I am moving back to STL in January, and I absolutely refuse to do another long distance relationship because those just don’t work for me. So why did I meet him? Why did I fall in love? What is the take-away?

I think it happened because he’s helped me through these months in California. Knowing I would see him at the end of my shift has made working at Disneyland a little more bearable. Waking up to cute texts from him has made it easier to fall asleep at night and welcome the coming day. Simply having him to talk to after spending an entire day crying and being angry about everything gives me a few minutes of calm and helps me breathe.

Losing him is going to suck, I can already feel it, I already do feel it, and so does he. We hurt to the point where I’m angry that we even met. It’s hard to look at this as a positive, because is the pain really worth it? Yes, he helped me through this time, and I am forever thankful and grateful for that, but I was only here for 4 months. I could have made it through 4 months on my own, without falling in love and then having to go home depressed about ANOTHER failed relationship that couldn’t last.

So is life really about take-aways? I don’t think so. I don’t think the point of EVERY experience is to figure out what you learned from it, I think the more important thing is just how you deal with it.

College was an awful time for me – I couldn’t connect with anyone on a deep level, classes were too easy and boring and felt like a waste of money, I lost all my passion to do the things I loved because apparently it’s impossible to get jobs doing them and I’ll be broke forever – but I got through it. I survived. 4 long years… and I did it. THAT is what matters. Getting through it, getting back up, trying something else. So I hated the Disney College Program. I’m going to go home, and I’m going to try something else. Because I’m still alive, and I have to keep going. I have to find something. I have to keep searching… because the alternative is unthinkable.

Don’t live your life according to what works for others, or what they think you should do, or how they think you should view it. Live your life according to what works for YOU. If you can’t figure out why something happened, don’t waste you energy on it. If you’re supposed to figure it out, God will reveal it to you in his time. If you’re not supposed to figure it out, it won’t happen, so don’t waste your time. Just pick yourself up and keep moving. Because you can do this. I believe in you.

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