Long Distance Relationships

My take on long distance relationships are that they’re not impossible. I do not think distance is a relationship killer, nor do I think it is a good reason to end a relationship.

That being said, when you choose your deal breakers, those come from your personality and your wants and needs, so I completely understand where someone else who is not like me would see distance as a reason to end the relationship.

Have you ever heard of the love languages? They are Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Receiving Gifts, and Acts of Service. You can learn more about these and take the quiz on the link provided, but I find this really interesting. You love language is how you best receive love from another person, whether that be romantic, friendly, or familial, so I recommend taking the quiz a few times with a different person from each relationship set in mind, because your results will change.

For example, when it comes to family, I’m not really a hugger. Physical Touch is low on my list when I take the quiz thinking of a family member, but is medium on my list when I take the quiz in relation to a friend or romantic partner.

Words of Affirmation is always first on my list, not matter who I’m thinking of when I take the quiz, which is why I think I’m so good at long distance relationships. Words go a long way with me, and while I do need the guy to take some action to back up his smooth talking, I need to be told that I am loved and cared for.

A long distance relationship, in my opinion, should never be the end result. That just doesn’t make sense to me. I think long distance should be a means to get to an end, and the end result should be for one of the people to move, so the two can be together.

My first long distance relationship ended because we didn’t have jobs, and our parents were funding our flights to each other (he was also a dirty cheater, but this post is focused on distance), but at some point we were going to have to take over that responsibility and neither of us was financially set up for that yet.

My second long distance relationship strangely ended when the distance ended. When he was away at school, I went to visit him almost every month, and things were great. When he was home, we still considered it long distance because our homes were an hour apart, and I felt it was his turn to come to me, since I’d spent the better part of the last 6 months driving to him. He agreed, but then he just couldn’t make it to me most days he said he would. That was annoying, but I dealt with it. Then we both ended up in California, living only a 6 minute drive from one another, and I no longer wanted to see him. Of course, there were many other factors that went into the termination of this relationship, but I mention this to all the skeptics out there who think distance is impossible – I have first hand experience of a relationship that worked better with distance.

You can date your next door neighbor, and one of you can still fall out of love, decide to cheat, turn crazy, etc.

My third long distance relationship was the first where we really had no plans to see each other. It’s weird because we’re both financially able to, but unfortunately we’re both living with our parents so neither of us has a place for the other to stay, and we’re both working to save up as much money as possible so we can move out, so we really don’t want to take any time off of work. This relationship is slowly dying because in the beginning I was 100% returning to his city, and now I feel like that is absolutely never going to happen, so we’re stuck in this weird limbo.

Can you call a person your significant other if you never see each other? What’s the definition of a boyfriend?

If neither of you is seeing anyone else because you want to be together, but you’re also not seeing each other because you can’t…what do you even call that?

I know couples who are long distance, some see each other every week, some every month, some every 6 months, some even longer than that… it just depends on what they can work out.

I don’t consider this guy my boyfriend anymore because he doesn’t talk to me enough, and as I said, Words of Affirmation is my top love language. I’ve never met a male who’s top love language isn’t Physical Touch, so I’ve always blamed that for the reason my long distance relationships fail… but it’s interesting, isn’t it? Three long distance relationships in a row… you’d think I’d swear off them by now, right? But I’m starting to think it’s the love language thing…

What I mean by this is I really want someone I can talk to every day. Sure, kissing is nice, if the person isn’t bad at it, and everyone loves to cuddle, but the intimate part of my relationships has gone so badly with everyone I’ve ever dated, I think I feel safer in long distance relationships. When I’m in one of those, all we can do is talk. I don’t have to worry about anything else – I don’t have to worry about him breaking dates, whining about needing sex all the time, stressing out about what gifts to exchange on what holidays and how much to spend – all of that is gone – and it’s just talking.

They say you have to really know and love yourself before you can get to know and love another person… so now that I know that about myself, maybe I should just be alone. Maybe I’m supposed to be.

I don’t really care if I’m not dating, if I had a best friend to talk to every day and hang out with occasionally that would be just as awesome, if not more awesome, than a boyfriend. But I can’t find that person either…so where to go from here?

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