The hardest thing about depression for me is the lack of comprehension of those around me. It doesn’t matter how many times I tell them what I’m going through, they just can’t understand because they haven’t personally struggled with it.
Everything is so simple to them – you don’t like your job? Get a new one. (Because finding a job is easy!) You want to move out? Get your own place. (Because we all have a bunch of rent money lying around.) You want to be happy? Decide to be happy and do it! (Because that’s how it works.)
I just want to scream – don’t bother trying to cheer me up or suggest things because you only make it worse!
They think everything I say is ridiculous and makes no sense because they don’t see the world the way I do.
For example, I don’t like that money makes the world go round. I don’t want money be the center of my life – I want my life to center around joy and excitement – not where can I get my next dollar for food, rent, etc.
I say this to people and they look at me like I have 2 heads, and tell me it’s stupid and ridiculous for me to not put whatever job I can get at the top of my list because I have to live and living requires money.
Well, of course, to those who have no problem conforming to the society around them, it would sound ridiculous when someone brings up the idea of doing something different.
This is why we have books like The Hunger Games and Divergent – stories where someone dares to be different and changes the framework of the entire society.
It’s okay if you’re a person who questions things – it’s good. People won’t understand, and that’s the toughest part. They won’t have answers to your questions so they’ll tell you to stop asking. They’re scared of what will happen if people consider your point of view, so they’ll tell you to stop asking – but I’m telling you to keep asking.
Sure, you won’t always get answers, most of the time you’ll just get more questions, but that’s still progress, to get people thinking about it and talking about it.
Remember when people thought being gay was a disease? When the color of your skin determined which bathroom you could use? When teachers were allowed to discipline students in the classroom by swatting them with rulers?
These things changed because they didn’t sit right with someone. They started asking questions, and people realized they were right to question the way things were.
If you are sad because you feel like you don’t belong where you are and nobody understands – that makes perfect sense. It’s human nature to be social, and you can’t be social if you can’t find anyone to connect with. If you’re feeling like you don’t belong because you know what you want but don’t know how to get there, or because you have no idea what you want, or because you’re trying to conform to something you’re not – I would be shocked if you told me you weren’t sad.
This world is tough. Sure, it’s beautiful, but it’s tough. People tell you to go to school and get a job and make a life for yourself, but what if school isn’t for you? What if you can’t find a job that you’re passionate about? They don’t tell you what to do then. They want you to suck it up and shut up – but I’m telling you to make noise.
Because someone somewhere feels exactly the way that you do – they don’t belong, they’re hurting, and they need you to speak up so that they have the courage to do the same.
Keep asking questions.
You’re exactly where you need to be.